My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
