Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
