I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
