eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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