so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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