Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize