Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
