You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
