I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
