I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
