Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
