I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
