We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
