Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize