i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
