in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Still dying that you shit outside
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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