Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize