So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
