he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
