Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
