I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
