"it" just moved
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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