An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize