having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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