it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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