its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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