I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize