If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
