i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
