Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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