I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
