You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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