are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize