I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
