Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
