She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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