you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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