when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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