i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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