so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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