i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
