3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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