Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
