I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize