My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
