I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
