Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have peed in a lot of sinks
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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