i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I love having hate sex.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
