went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
