i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
