dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
