apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
