my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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