Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
birth control should be required to get into college
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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