It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
