So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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