Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
