I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
