I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
