i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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