I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
