New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
