Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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