DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
