She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He has the fingertips of a God
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