my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
