i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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