i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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