i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
