I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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