did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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