i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
