Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
