Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
