idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize