i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize